Did you know that I write more than just novels?
As a teenager, I was a prolific writer of song parodies. Most paid homage to my favorite fictions, including a riff on the Spin Doctors’ “Two Princes” to celebrate the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, half a dozen popular songs restyled for Lord of the Rings, and an X-Files version of the musical “Chicago” (a tattered printout of “Mr. Smoking Man” is still tucked in my songbook). I loved the challenge of finding clever twists within an existing lyrical structure almost as much as I loved making friends and family laugh.
Sadly, this was before the age of social media, so I missed my chance to go viral on YouTube. Adulthood hasn’t left me much time to indulge satirical songs. But this week’s COVID-19 lockdown in my community afforded me some unexpected free time; social distancing is fertile ground for creativity! With a pandemic sweeping the globe, I think we could all use a chuckle. Besides, it’s April Fool’s Day, and I’m glad to make a fool of myself for the merriment of others in tough times.
So I humbly present you a coronavirus-themed version of Queen’s classic rock anthem “Fat-Bottomed Girls”. I haven’t played guitar much in years, and my Freddie Mercury vocal impression falls far short of the mark, but hopefully that only adds to the humor (otherwise, feel free to mute my caterwauling and just read the subtitled lyrics). If “Flatten the Curve” makes you smile for two minutes, it was worth the raw fingertips—I really need my calluses back!
Stay home, stay safe, and take care of each other.